The OD

May 14 2022

It was around 3 AM. I had just smoked some weed. I was trying to go to sleep when I heard Frank downstairs saying “JKnott” over and over again with no response. My first thought was that he was overdosing. Frank had said his name too many times. I knew it was something bad. I thought to myself alright, let me go do something. Let me see if I can stop this. I get up, grab my green fuzzy sweatshirt, walk outside my room and Frank is coming up the stairs to meet me. He looks concerned. He tells me JKnott isn’t waking up and he’s breathing funny. We go downstairs and I look at him. He doesn’t look good. He’s pale, already looking half-dead. We shake him a few times and yell his name over and over. I think we even slapped him. He was out cold. The first moment I saw him, my brain couldn’t process what was happening. I couldn’t imagine things being this bad. I quick asked if we should wake up my other roommates. Nathan, Lyal, Zach, and Kotim were all home and asleep, with no idea what was taking place in their living room. In our brief panic, Frank said the words “He’s not gonna wake up.” In that moment everything clicked. If we didn’t do anything, he was never waking up again. I called 911 and told the operator my best guess, which was that he had taken a Percocet. The operator instructed us to say “now” every time JKnott breathed in. So we did. We waited with bated breaths for every one of his. The operators tone of voice soon changed and he instructed us to move him to the floor. We plopped him on the ground and he laid there looking dead. The operator then started instructing me in how to give chest compressions. They were talking like I had done this before. I had them on speaker as Frank’s shaking hand held my phone. I got on top of JKnott and counted “1…2…3…4…” along with the operator. I didn’t know how much pressure to apply. My arms were shaking like crazy. My voice was breaking up. Looking down at him was like an out of body experience. I was watching myself. I remember thinking that if in this moment, I’m not able to save him, I’m always going to think about how I couldn’t save him. It would haunt me. When the paramedics arrived and told me to get off him, I remember thinking that I just seen his whole life. I used to wait with him in elementary school for our parents to pick us up. I saw the beginning of his life and now I had seen the end. It felt strange seeing a life bookended like that. I don’t know how to describe it. All of a sudden there’s cops and paramedics everywhere, maybe 10 of them. They tell us to back up so we’re all standing on the landing. I’m hot. I’m about to freak the fuck out. I’m yelling at them to do something. I think we’re a second away from seeing them whip out the body bag and put JKnott in it. One of them gets down and narcans JKnott twice. Boom. He’s back and on high alert, surrounded by cops, having only remembered going to bed. In my mind, it lasted an eternity. But in reality, it all could have happened in 20 minutes.